Letter from Kyoto

Is human relation in the company friendship task?

Alfred Adler distinguished three kinds of life task, namely, work task, friendship task and love task.

To which does the human relationship in the office belong? It should, as I believe, belong to the first one, work task. It is not necessary to worry who are working with or what kind of person they are so long as we accomplish the project we are to tackle with.

But it is not easy to think this way and to concentrate on the work. I know there are some who take human relationship into consideration little, if not never. For them work is one thing, friendship is quite another. Therefore even if the fellow staff is someone they do not like personally, they don't worry, for, when the project is accomplished, they may even quit the company.

This is not necessarily true of the companies in Japan. It is true that things have changed but there still exists prevalent idea that one should enter company on graduating from school and that should go on working in the same company until retirement. Changing the work often is not so common. This makes the whole story very complicated. Many of my clients say that the company they are working for resemble a family. The atmosphere is very friendly, it is true, but the boss, who is equivalent to the father in the home, may be authoritative and the colleagues are curious to know about her/his privacy.

What should we do? A Japanese company once invited application. Many foreigners applied for the position offered but many of their personal histories were defective in many ways. No distinction of sex, age or no picture of the applicant. When the staff in charge asked one of them why she had not entered the distiction of sex, she answered if it had anything to do with this position. 'Why didn't you fill in your age?' 'Does my age have anything to do with this position?' 'Why didn't you accompany your photograph?' You can imagine her answer, can't you?

The Power of Anecdotes

Many disciples of Adler were sent to the concentration camps during the war. One of his disciples, Alfred Farau, writes about a little story which Adler is said to have told again and again to his disciples and friends. It was the story of the two frogs of Aesop (Manaster et al, Alfred Adler:As We Remember Him, pp.45-6).
'Two frogs jumped around the rim of a pot filled with milk. Suddenly they both fell into the milk. One of them cried, 'That's the end of me,' and, croaking, made ready to drown. The other did not give up. He kicked and kicked until he felt solid ground under his feet once more. What had happened? The milk had turned into butter.'
He says,
'Unbelievable as it may sound, during the time of my stay in the concentration camp of Dachau, I was able to shake many people out of their apathy by telling them this little story.'
Adlerian psychology recommends neither pessimism nor optimism. Those who take a pessimistic attitude in the face of adversity may perish because they do nothing in order to survive.
On the other hand those who take an optimistic attitude also may perish because they tend to regard everything as advantageous for her or him while it is not advantageous at all. They think that their optimistic belief can carry them through. They do nothing. In order for the frogs to survive in a pot filled with milk, it was absolutely necessary first of all to grasp the situation rightly without taking it pessimistically or optimistically. And then they had to do what they could do at the moment without relinquishing hopes.
It is very interesting that anecdotes encourage us. I like to tell anecdotes in my lectures or counseling. This is because I believe in the power of anecdotes.
One day a woman came to express her gratitude after I finished my lecture. She told me that she was very surprised to hear one of the episodes I told in my lecture. She had heard this story before from a friend of hers who attended my lecture. The story I told in my lecture is as follows.
The tragic accident took a life of a boy of seven years old. Falling into a incinerator he was burned alive to death. As the body had not been identified at once, the principal of our school called me up to ask me to make sure that pupils had come home safe. I was a member of parent-teacher association at that time.
'Has your child come home?'
'Yes, he(she) has...but what's the matter?'
Then I explained the accident. Though I could not see the faces of the parents, it was apparent that they were all terribly shocked at the news of this accident. It was certain that they found it fortunate that their sons or daughters were alive (It is needless to say that they pitied the boy in his misfortunes).
The woman who came to me after the lecture thought when she heard this story that it was an unusual accident. But two days later her son was seriously injured in a traffic accident. He was unconscious for a few days after the accident. She remembered the story she heard from a friend of hers. Then she thought that her son was alive though he was seriously injured and unconscious. Bringing this story to mind again and again while she was attending her son in the hospital, she tried to encourage herself. She told me that if she had not heard the episode she would not have overcome many difficulties she and her son had to face after the accident.

Live freely

The word 'private' or 'privacy' is derived from the Latin word 'privare', which means 'to derive.' I once told a friend of mine that I had to make effort to use time for my own sake, not working for others. I tended to leave my time till last and therefore I needed my 'privacy.' Then she told me that she lived at her own pace and that she got sour when her pace was disturbed. She went her own way.
I listened to a certain lecture before, in which the lecuturer said as follows.
'There are many sides in us. wise, silly, lazy, immoral...They are all our true selves. Live as best as you can making the most of each self.'
The lecturer seemed to emphasize the importance of guts. I do not like this way of living. I gave up living, as it were, at the top of my bent. What I do want to emphasize here is that I may accept all the sides of me including those which are considered to be negative. I want to accept myself even when I am lazy without doing something worth while.
The lecturer went on talking further.
'A flea jumps freely. If you shut it into a bottle, what will happen? It will no longer jump as high as before. In the course of time it will jump in the limited space of the bottle. If you free it from this bottle, what do you think will happen? Will it jump as high as before it was confined in the bottle? No!...We are living inconveniently putting ourselves in the limitations (which are only supposed to exist, but in fact never exist). There exists no bottle. Jump higher, live more freely...'
To live in our own pace means, I believe, to live freely without imposing the limitations on us or without caring a hang about opinions of others about us. It is not necessary to look into others' faces or to postpone our circumstances or feeling to those of others.
Richard Bach, who is the author of 'Jonathan the Seagull,' says in one of his works, 'Are you happy? Are you doing, this moment, exactly what you most want to do in the world?' Living freely, with no holds barred may cause confusion or disorder. Therefore we do must adjust the difference of opinion and stop continuing to have our own ways if necessary. Though this does not mean to say that self-sacrifice is required the fact that we are not living alone in this world should be taken into consideration. On the basis of such anti-egotism but if we live freed from the imaginary or fictional 'bottle', it may safely be said that we live as best as we can and freely.

Won't happiness come until the last day?

Can't we tell whether we live a happy life or not before the last day comes? I don't think that we must suspend the judgment until the last day comes. It is really possible to become happy here and now. When on the earth will we become happy if we can't feel happy here and now?
In 1989, I attended a lecture by Christiansen, an Adlerian who lived in the United States.
He said: 
Those who can feel happy now, listening to my lecture, can become happy now at this moment, but those who can't feel happy now can never become happy forever more.
At that time, I was a philosopher who studied the theme, 'What is happiness?' I was astonished and I couldn't say a word. It is not too much to say that this shock led me to begin to learn Adlerian psychology. In my opinion, as long as we regard happiness as something that we will get somewhere else, only far away, or only when we can achieve the goal, even if we can achieve the goal, we will not feel happy; when we seem to reach it, happiness will fly away from us like a mirage.
There is a possibility that we are missing happiness even if we are beside it. There are no limits of complaining. In fact, I would like more money? However, it is not true to say that we could be happy if only the situation which seems to prevent us from becoming happy at this moment were removed. How much worried or anxious we feel, what will happen will happen and what will not happen will not happen.
In this sense, we may admit that destiny exists. But destiny isn't everything. Although we must live in the destined frame (if the frame were to be destined), even under limited circumstances, we can choose our own attitudes, in other words, it is we, ourselves, not the destiny that can choose and decide how we live. Even if we must face difficult phases, we can choose our attitudes toward them and see our lives from a positive point of view. If we remember that the keys of our lives are in our own hands, we can find happiness nearby. Every day (or sometimes), don't you have the moment that you feel happy to live here and now? I often do. When I can feel happy, I don't live in the past nor the future. I don't care for the past nor the future. We often regret what happened in the past and become anxious what will happen in the future. However, at the moment when we can feel happy to live here and now, we can leave the past and the future out of view. It might be called to live our life to make a line connecting such happy moments.
I have lost everything I had, but I am alive now...I suppose many of those who experienced the Hanshin-Awaji Big Earthquake (occurred in January 1996) must have thought like this. Unfortunately (though I can't tell what is fortunate or what is unfortunate) there were many people killed in this earthquake. On the other hand, we survived the earthquake. Then, how can we, survivors, spend our lives?

Not the same but equal

It was when I was nine or ten years old (therefore the age at which I might have formed my life) that my grandfather, grandmother and my younger brother died one after another within a year. I began to wonder what death is. It seemed to me something very horrible because if death deprives me of all memories, including pleasant and unpleasant, I thought there would be left no meaning of life. I could not understand why grown-ups in the face of such unavoidable destiny could live as if there were not death at all. I wondered why they could live laughing while I despaired of the future. I could not find any meaning to live if everything ended up in smoke or my effort in this life went for nothing.
I had to wait for another ten years before I met philosophy, which I thought would solve my problem of many years. I encountered a philosophe. My encounter with him was impressive. I was seventeen years old. The meeting took place at a corridor of the senior high school which I entered that year. I passed the old man on the corridor. I bowed him as usual, when to my surprise he stopped to make a deep bow to me.
A year later I met him again. He turned out to be a teacher of civics. He became my mentor. Later when I listened to the lecture given by Dr. Christiansen, I remembered him. Dr. Chirstiansen said in the lecture that parents (or teachers) and children (pupils or students) may not be the same but equal. This is a basic principle of Adlerian psychology. His simple but powerful assertion made a deep impression on me. Then I remembered my mentor in my senior high school days. I understood that he had treated me as an equal.
One day he gave us printed handouts. I was surprised because it was a list of Greek alphabet. It was to explain the meaning of Jesus' word 'I am alpha and omega.' 'You don't have to worry.' the teacher said. 'You will soon understand its meaning. Look at this handout.'
After practicing how to pronounce Greek alphabets, we learned elementary grammar of Greek and read the first few paragraph of the Gospel according to St.John. He let us read it aloud. 'en arche en ho logos...' (In the beginning was the Word) It never occurred to him that he did not have to teach Greek because we were busy preparing for the entrance examinations of the universities. This process, that is, explaining the pronunciation and the grammar of Greek was necessary for him to reach after the truth, which he wished to convey us. If he had not treated us as equals, he would not have dared to teach us Greek. He must have trusted us. Saving efforts to convey us the truth was out of the question for him.
I think I learned from hs posture towards students. I do wish to model his trust and respect towards students.

Typhoons in Japan

The number of typhoons which hit Japan annually is increasing. The word typhoon is said to be derived from the Chinese word taifung, which means big wind. The nature of typhoons and hurricanes is basically the same. Hearing the news of Katrina I remember how long it took my family to restore the normal life. My house was flooded every time a typhoon hit the region we lived. We used to live in the house near the river. Though it leaves Japan behind soon the damage it caused remains long after the flood. This is the problem. I hope that the flood victims will resume normal life as soon as possible.

Hurricane Katrina

The news that New Orleans disaster caused by hurricane Katrina was great distressed me. It is understandable that New Orleans disaster be likened to tsunami but when I read the remark by Mississipi governor Haley Barbour I cannot agree with him. He said after touring the destruction by air, "I can only imagine that this is what Hiroshima looked like 60 years ago." The release of atomic bomb could have been avoided. The governor cannot have seen the picture of Hiroshima on the morning of August 6, 1945.
I do hope the prompt recovery from the disaster.

A boy who slept for three years (2)

When the man who slept for three years started to build an irrigation canal from the river many miles from his village, after awaking from his long sleep, it was only children who first began to help him with his work. Why was it only children, not adults, that began to help him? Someone answered:
Adults first tend to see whether it will be possible for them to achieve the work or not. If they can find the possibility to achieve the work, they will begin. On the other hand, children aren't apt to think like that. So adults didn't help the man because they saw the plan impossible to achieve and thought it would be vain efforts if they cooperated with him. But for children, it didn't matter whether they could achieve the work nor not. Children didn't lay importance on the fulfillment of the plan.
In this story, adults began to join the work later, looking at children working. As a result, adults learned from children's actions.
I suppose it isn't a big problem even if we can't see the final consequence. If people work only when they can see the final consequence, it is a way of thinking of adults. Some people make plans for their future life. Some elementary school or junior high school pupils say: I have already decided which university I will go to, which company I will work for, when I will marry, and how many children I will have, and so on. I am not saying that it is ridiculous to think about future. I think it is not a problem if they really know that the goal is only goal and that they don't have to achieve the goal.
However, it seems that we are often supposed to live our lives in unexpected ways. In many cases, we can't live our lives in our ideal ways. I myself had an experience of planning my own future life. According to it, now I should be a professor at S. University. Who (including myself) could imagine what I am now? Even if one imagines one's own future, only what will happen will happen, and what will not happen will not happen.
One day (since that day, I had been Ichiro who had been sleeping for three years), the doctor I used to with, gave me a phone call. I was just not at home, so later I listened to her voice recorded on the answering machine.
I gave you a phone call, but… your recorded voice sounded too weak, I decided to leave my message. I would like to see you sometime and have a talk about a job.
Later on, we met at a coffee shop near JR Kyoto Station and the doctor said to me; I am preparing for opening my clinic and looking for the suitable counselor. Do you have a mind to work for my clinic?
This was my awakening. This awakened me from my long sleep and motivated me to take part in the society as a counselor.
We can't tell when such an awakening moment will come. But it is clear that we must do preparations even though we are sleeping (Clearly, the boy who slept for three years was thinking during his long sleep). If we can't do preparations of the inner side, we will miss the precious chance, even if outer circumstances motivate the inner side. So we must always be awake, in other words, even if our bodies (or our actions) are sleeping, our souls should be awake.

A boy who slept for three years(1)

One day, I shared this idea:
'In every society, there's a law of 2:6:2 (some say 2:5:3). This rate means that twenty percent of people work very hard, sixty percent of them work sometimes, and the rest of them do absolutely nothing. What would happen if we cast away the people who don't work because they are not contributing to a productive society? The people left would be separated following the 2:6:2 law again. If this is true, there is little possibility that a society exists where everyone works very hard. Except schools at the end of each term.'
Someone answered:
'In the world of ants, not every ant is diligent; seventy percent of ants work very hard and the rest of them don't work at all.'
I remember when one of my classmates wrote in his diary; 'I spent today doing nothing in particular again. 'Our homeroom teacher commented: 'If you could really spend the day doing nothing particular, it would be amazing and very meaningful.' I often think about this incident and wonder what our homeroom teacher meant.
In Japanese folklore, there is a story about a boy who slept for three years. In those times, the Japanese regarded doing nothing as a virtue and as a part of Japanese tradition. However, in my opinion, before we knew it, our consciousness toward that virtue began to change and now the Japanese seem to have created a society where only diligence, not doing nothing, is a virtue. If a society were to exist where everyone works very hard all the time, to tell the truth, such a society might be unhealthy from a spiritual point of view.
It might interest us to make a further inquiry into the questions like these; when did the Japanese begin to regard diligence as a virtue, or since when did the Japanese start to install the statues of NINOMIYA Kinjiro in the schools.( in fact, I saw the statue of NINOMIYA at school ground every morning, when I was an elementary school student).
Or there is a possibility that I have misunderstood the consciousness of the Japanese. With inquiry, it might become clear that the Japanese were always diligent even in ancient times.
When I tried to use the word 'diligent' in a conversation with an American friend, he said, 'I have never heard that word before.' I was very surprised at his reaction, but I couldn't make myself understood, using the English word 'diligent'.
When I think of a human' s life, I think it is permissible to have a time when one does nothing in particular. Even if one can't find the meaning of that day or the value of one's actions. And even if in the end one regards the day as meaningless...All the same, I would like to accept that meaningless day, thinking that that day passes as it is. Every moment has a meaning.
There seem to be many interpretations of the story about a boy who slept for three years. I have my own interpretation, so one day I shared that.
'A young boy used to work very hard and he was said to be diligent by all the people around him. However, in the village where he lived, they couldn't save enough water to grow plants. So all the paddies blighted under too much unshine. People in the village remained poor. However hard they worked, they could get no reward. Then one day his mother got sick and died. His mother's sudden death caused the young boy to give up everything and stop working. He began to think that everything in the world was meaningless. So he began to take a nap and he continued sleeping for three years.'
After listening to my story, one person shared this idea with me:
'We should recognize the two aspects of a human life; the body and the soul. We can say that his body, his physical aspect, was asleep for three years,but we don't know if his soul was also asleep. While his body seemed to be asleep and had no value, his soul may have been awake and he may have thought about new ways of developing his village, new ways to build an irrigation canal so that plenty of water could run from the river into his village.'
I was very surprised and impressed at this new interpretation.
There is a saying that 'Rolling stones gather no moss'. There are two interpretations of this proverb. The two interpretations are different, based on whether each person regards 'gathering moss' as positive or negative. One is that we should sit and stay in the same place for a long time in order to gather moss. The other is that we will gather moss if we keep sitting in the same place for a long time, so we must move in order to prevent this from happening.
The person who I was speaking with agreed with the latter. He had the idea that because his soul didn't stop moving, the man who slept for three years didn't gather moss. After awaking from his three-year sleep, the man who got the nickname' the man who slept for three years' made a start on building an irrigation canal from the river many miles from his village.What did he have in mind while he was sleeping?
'Before his long sleep, he had worked hard every day for his mother. He thought he contributed to life with his mother because of his hard work. But after his mother died, he lost his purpose for working and he decided to go to sleep. During his long sleep, his soul was still active and he came upon the idea of working not only for his mother but also for the other villagers.'
When we look at his sleeping life in the physical aspect, it might appear to be a gathering moss life. However, even if we regard a doing nothing life as a gathering moss life, soul is always rolling and never stops.
'No one can predict when a sleeping life will come to an end' I said. There is no telling when it will happen because at any moment the preparations of the inner side may become ready and at the same time outer circumstances may motivate the inner side, and our life may begin to move.
(to be continued)
1) For example, now in Japan, there are many students who don't or can't attend school. From the physical point of view, they might seem to be lazy or seem to be doing nothing in particular. However, even though they seem to be doing nothing, in my opinion, in their inner world, their souls are still moving. Their souls are still growing and still learning.
2)*NINOMIYA Kinjiro
NINOMIYA Kinjiro is a symbol of 'diligence'. He helped his family by collecting wood to make a fire. Every day he went to the woods and collected wood to bring back to his house. Even though he was devoted to his family, he never forgot the importance of studying. On his way from his house to the woods and on his way back, he always had the time to read books. 
His statue is a figure of the man who carries wood on his back and is reading a book.