Letter from Kyoto

Don't fall asleep

Probably for the first time in my life I enjoyed listening to the songs of Miyuki Nakajima. Songs I listened to are in her album 'Starring' (Daiginmaku).

Tapestry(Ito). You are a vertical thread. I am a horizontal thread. When one meets the right thread we call such meeting happiness. As Nakajima sings it is surprising that you and I have met all the more because we had had different histories before we met so far away from each other.

Don't Fall Asleep (Nemuranaide). I love this tunes. I listened to it again and again. As I hear Nakajima sing I feel very sleepy. Don't fall asleep. Let's keep on walking on and on without understanding where we begin falling into our dream. It can't be our dream that we have met. In my arms your heart still pounds. If this were what happend in our dream, let's keep on dreaming forever.

profile(Yokogao)

Taeko Onuki's 'profile' (Yokogao) is one of my favorite songs. Listening to this song, however, makes me lonely and sad. She sings as follows.

'You are now being surrounded by friends whom I do not know. After all you may remember me no longer'.

It seems that 'you' in the story do not belong to the world in which 'you' and 'I' used to live together and loved each other. No relation can remain the same just as no one can enter the same twice. So change in the relationship may be unavoidable but parting in any sense cannot fail to makes me sad for 'being with' (etre avec) with someone is, as Pascal rightly said, essential for us human being. Therefore it is no exaggeration to say that I can no longer live without you. Losing you means the death of my own.

'Has my word goodbye which I had murmured reached you?'

Unlike 'you' in this song, I would not want to say goodbye though I know praying for the happiness of our beloved is the highest expression of lvoe.

iTunes Music Store in Japan

iTunes Music Store has opened in Japan at last. The other day I suddenly recollected having played Brahms' Horn Trio when I was a university student. I played the tune on the horn. I cannot remember who played the piano and the violin. I may not have played the tune at all. But the sensuous melody in my memory squeezed my mind. It was then I fiercely felt like listening the music. The problem was that I did not have the CD at hands. I might not have been able to find it in my house where I used to live. Though it is not so far away from here, there was no guarantee that I would be successful in find the tune for which I was searching. Today I am glad that I downloaded the Horn Trio at the store on internet. It took only a few minutes, which was really surprising for me. It is true that I cannot necessarily download all the music I want even at iTunes Music Store. I do hope that the store will have a large stock of music in the near future.

When I was playing the horn

Listening to the same music played by different players is very interesting. Recently I make it a rule to listen to Horn Concertos Nos. 1 & 2 composed by Richard Strauss every moring before setting for work. They can light me up even when I am depressed.

The sound of horn has deeply fascinated me with its celestial sound. It is really surprising that these concertos by R. Strauss are played comfortably without any difficulty. I especially love the play by Radovan Vlatkovic who can play both powerful and delicate melody. Dennis Brain, who died in a traffic accident at the age of 36, is wonderful. I like his play too.

Many years have elapsed since my first encounter with this instrument. Though I know I will never have chance to play the horn again in my life, days when I spent with my horn will always remain in memory.

To be loved by Gods

'Do you know of Fritz Wunderich?', a friend of mine, a young doctor, once asked me sadly.
'I'm afraid, I don't. This is the first time I've heard the name. Who is he?'
'He was an unrivaled tenor of his time.'
'He was?'
'Yes, he died at the age of thirty-five. It was an accident; he fell down the stairs.'
'In ancient Greek, It is said that those whom Gods love die young.'
'You know, some of my patients spend their last days at the hospital. They never regard me as a young woman doctor. They depend on me and I tend to become too attached to them. I know that man is mortal, but still I always feel bitter about their destiny.'
I understand why she becomes too attached to her patients. This is true of me as I work as a couselor though I have had no eperience of having met with the death of my patients so far. It is necessary for me to help them becoming indepenent. The problem is that they are often very dependent when they come to me with anguish of heart so I must be very careful that they do not become too attached to me. It is my hope that they even forget me believing that they themselves could solve the problem unaided. I must be, as it were, a stagehand dressed in black who assists the actors during the performance.